I can't run from it...

I never love nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting by heart truly
I got lost
In the sounds
I hear in my mind
All these voices
I hear in my mind all these words
I hear in my mind
All this music
And it breaks my heart
It breaks my heart






------------------------------

I want to sleep. I want to stop. I want it all to be over.
Its not pain. Its not that my life is so hard. It just this more than anxiety awful hateful feeling. I want over. I need to be happy. So truly i wish i was. Everyday. One day a week. When i call god I'm going to ask for happiness, In whatever form that would be. Its all to much. Give it away now.

Down down Down.

I put a lot on men.
Who told me that.
Lots of people.
Damn you Dallas.
What am i looking for ?
That I'm good enough, fuck i wish i would stop proving everything.
i have no one to prove anything to . i bet I'm proving this all to myself.
How redundant.
Wounds.
Wish they would close.
I need to get over my childhood wounds. To even begin on my adult ones.
Never ending.
So whats the point.

-----------------
I hate work.
i almost didn't make it to class.
i know this all makes her so upset. ahh i hate it. I hate hurting my mom.
She said today that all of this is making her deteriorate. Shes trying to balance work , school and me not trying to kill myself.





Today i told her everything makes me want to shoot myself.
Obviously that did not go over well. lol

She went crazy.
it slipped out.
I meant it more figuratively than literally.

uh...

One step at a time.
#1.. catch up on all my work this weekend. (seriously)