Its been a long time my dear friend

I know that no one reads this, but maybe one person does.. maybe one person checks up on me, and to you, my single fan, I toast this Enviga to you.

And to the man with the red flannel on today, I say "go kill yourself, you have nothing else to live for"

And to the kids who work in the bookstore I say " I'm sorry that your life has come to this"

I want to wear everything that Carrie wore in SEX and The City. Its most amazing.






Lets talk about this for a minute.
Sex , Sex, Sex and the City.
I laughed and laughed
I cried and cried
my heart beated faster ( i almost had an heart attack)
I was angry, i could have killed (Steve and Big) how dare he!

How dare he leave his beautiful bride, at the alter. God, like so i know that she didn't think of him and whatever.. but common its like he really didn't care. He didn't I would have been like " you want to marry me, well then get right, cause this wedding is going to be splendifourous, and you can't do nothing about it boo" Carrie should have snap on his ass. Well, she did .. i loved when she beat him with the flowers. That is so something i would have done, and i love her for that.

i want her eye makeup.. after this blog I'm going to look up how to do my make up like that , all sexified.

what else...

Jennifer Hudson! She looks so pretty, i love her skin. I need to get on that coco butter Danny says, and i believe that shit.

Miranda! ew she just stomps around. like ok, shes a lezzy you can tell, everyone has been able to tell for years. He neck is to long, she needs to get that shit fixed.

Charlotte was annoying. I hate when she does that nose scrunch thing, it too much. She over acts way to much. Maybe it to make Sarah Jessica Look better.

Samantha! my heart. I will, I promise be her. I'm going to L.A and fucking a younger man until my heart goes out i swear to you.

In other news,

NKOTB are back ! thank god, I love you Danny Wood. You could never be more sexy.

"I was like
Hey girl can I get your number
I remember what you told me, too
Don’t call after 10 but you know that I did
Cause I couldn’t stop thinking bout you
I think about you in the summertime
And all the good times we had, baby
It’s been a few years and I can’t deny
The thought of you still makes me crazy
I think about you in the summertime
I’m sittin here in the sun
With you on my mind"

My letter to those bastardos

"So, we were in the chapter where you take your girlfriend up to that empty bedroom at the party." - Lucas



What happens if they do not get together. That would be like if Joey does not get with Pacey or Dawson . Who it was escapes me at the moment. None the less, if they do not end up together I'm pretty sure my life will stop in its place. Time will freeze, up will be down , black will be white and wrong will be so right (but not in the good way). Why oh Why would they even think about doing this to me. How DARE THEY. I'm going to be like Jim and write a letter.


Dear One Tree hill,

You BASTARDS!!! How dare you! How DARE YOU!!! Peyton and Lucas are meant for each other. They go hand in hand like Pb & J. How could you do this to the world? How could you do this to me ,Kayla, Katie and all the other random-sad girls-who thinks everyone leaves- and wishes a man like Lucas would come and save them? I want to commend you on bringing back Dan to the show, but if that means that Peyton will not get Lucas then you can stick Dan up your ass hole. Also, you should change the name of "One Tree Hill" to "Everyone leaves". That is all you do. You fuck Peyton up ever single episode, all she needs is Lucas to rescue her will love. Only he is able to do that, cause everyone LEAVES! Don't you understand? As well, do not give Brooke a baby and doooo not have Lucas end up with her. She does not need a baby she already has tons of money (she like the Lisa Turtle of the show) she doesn't need any more success. Good DAY!

My regards,
Adecia.

Marry Me, Marry me.

"Tree Hill is just a place somewhere in the world. Maybe it's a lot like your world. Maybe it's nothing like it. But if you look closer, you might see someone like you."


I love this show. OMG!!! Payton's brother( not real brother) totally was obsessed with her! and tried to kill her all scream like !!! Loves it.

Oh, and ...

Please love me Chad Micheal Murray..

The Best Movie I have ever seen (actually no, but it was fucking amazing!( I think it was actually better than Old Contry , but dont tell Javier))

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

Jean-Do the French editor of Elle, a father of two and a man who takes in the luxuries of life, has a fatal stroke at 43. Before his stroke, Jean-Do is a quick witted play boy who never fully lives his life. He never lets himself fully love someone; he never spends quality time with his kids and never sits with his father long enough for him to finish his thoughts. To many he looks like a man who has it all, but really Jean-Do has very little. His life comes to a pivotal stop the day he had his stroke that leaves him trapped in a world that resembles a diving bell. He is left in a condition where he is confined to a bed and can only communicate through blinks. Viewers see the use of his imagination, memories and voices of the people in his new life right through the eyes of Jean-Do himself. In the last years of his life he uses the flashes of memories, which come to him as quick as butterfly wings, to dictate a book about his life. This movie is a heartbreakingly-funny-inspirational tale that leaves the audience wanting to make the best of their life, before it is too late.

Sounds in The Diving Bell and the Butterfly put great emphasis on the struggle of Jean-Do which leaves who ever watches inspired. Most of the movie is played out without music, memories being the only exception. When the viewer is experiencing Jean-Do’s life as a stroke victim the audience is able to hear the thoughts that go on in his head. There is no background music that steers away from his cries of loneliness and quick witted humor. I was riveted by his humor the whole way through the movie, every time I wanted to cry it was followed up by a time I wanted to laugh out loud. I think that this was important part of the overall movie because it made his experience real. Instead of feeling distant from Jean-Do, as if he was a person one could never relate to, the audience felt instantly attached, because his thoughts we exactly like the ones any person would have. The sound let the viewer feel what it is like to be trapped in a diving bell. The sounds let the audience hear the struggled Jean-Do had to go through to take back his life , and to write a book which left the viewer feeling inspired to take back thier own life by living it.

As like the sound, the way the movie was shot played a huge part in the experience of the film. As the movie starts the camera fades in and out as Jean-Do gains consciousness. For me, this was a powerful effect because it instantly placed viewer inside Jean-Do. The whole movie the viewer looking through his eyes and they know this because of how the camera moved. It moved as his head would so the audiences were only seeing what he saw. The Diving Bell and The Butterfly camera was very effective in placing the viewer right in the mists of his struggle and courage that left the viewer wanting to live their life the same way.

The way the movie was shot was as powerful as the characters. There were three doctors in the movie that tried to help Jean-Do overcome his ailment. The head doctor never said anything sugar coated to Jean-Do. He told him flat out in the start of the movie that his condition was rare, fatal and that he probably would not get through it. This character was important in the movie because it let the spectators know how awful his situation was. Without this character the movie would play never truly depicting of his situation. Another doctor that was there helped him move his mouth and thought everything he did was a miracle. This outlook on the situation gave the viewer hope that he would conquer his stroke. The last notable doctor established his new form of communication. She taught him how to communicate using his eyes, when he though he never would be able to converse again. She truly cared about Jean-Do which in turn made the viewer truly care about him. When she was working with him the viewer would watch for his blinks as she did. Although Jean-Do was unable to fully communicate his feelings what he did say was very powerful. For example, when a lover called him telling him she could not see him in that condition but then asked if he wanted to see her. He was not able to tell her all he wanted to tell her but he was able to say “Every single day”. Those few words made could make a person’s heart break in half. Right after he said those words I wanted to jump into the movie and give him a kiss. She taught him with so much love that it inspired who ever watched to do the same thing.

Watching The Diving Bell and the Butterfly made me want to live my life to the fullest. Jean-Do never thought he would have a stroke, so he never did the things he should have done. When he was living with the stroke he wanted to badly to do the things he never did. He was not able to be a dad to his children after he had the stroke but that was the time when he wanted to be their father the most. He was kicking himself for taking for granted the time he could have spent with them. I never want to look back on my life wishing I should have done things. A stroke, a fatal accident, or any sort of life threatening experience can happen to anyone, so we should all make the most of the time we had. This is a movie everyone should see. People today need to be inspired to live their lives instead of taking it for granted as he did. We should all learn from Jean-Do’s life trapped in a diving bell with butterfly memories and make the most of the time we have.

Comm'on

I should be doing homework. Even though i do not really have any. Gotta make it to that damn orchestra this weekend. Hopefully Mateo still wants to join in on the fun.

So i def need to remember that i can't take Ambien if i only have like 4 hours to sleep. Cause i did that , and omg. Like i was driving off the dayum road. Oh! and i missed my exit to veterans .. and found myself in Lexington. I do not think i have been there before. But i didn't stay to explore.

Fuck, i do not think i took my shit. Now that would explain a lot.

Oh i love American dad. Even though its exactly like Family guy , only with out the asides.

And i like the dad better. Peter is annoying and gross.

and the sister is way cooler and so is the brother.. and they have a great Alien. You ja-macian me crazy.!!

"Everyone falls in love sometime.Sometimes its wrong sometimes its right. For ever win someone must fail. But there comes a point when we exhale."

This song just opens up my spirit. Holy God, Thank you Jesus. Exhale! Let it be , let it , let it go , move up and over everything in this world.

Me and Mateo are making this weird cinnamon buns and cinnamon shit .. i think we heart cinnamon tonight.

Man hes soo worn out.

He needs a break from life. Poor Mateo. Loves to play the helpless.

I guess I hear everything.

"If I went through in the right direction , would I even care?"




Gotta start the day off with a good quote. A little Incubus for you ass. You know.
I started to relies that my best works of writing is that , that comes form my own life. My first paper in English was alright, but I didn't add enough personality to it. Its the personality of the writing that is voice. My voice comes out when I write about things that are true to me. Its was hard to write about Scientology even though i love it , and researched every which way about it. I still wasn't able to pull it off the way i would have liked. I kept searching through my writing for the reason. Why doesn't it sound exactly they way i like it. People liked it, it sounds good to them . Usually, I think people are to incompetent to understand what I'm trying to say. My aunt was like " the essay you wrote about grandpa , was divine" I was like " Why would your opinion of my writing mean anything to me? You are not Vonnegut , You are not Chaucer" .. and don't ever compare yourself to them. Don't act like you opinion is the end all of opinions. That oh yes , now that you gave you 'intelligent' opinion of my paper , I can now die in peace. What the hell? People if you don't know anything about a subject , chances are no one cares. Shes like a fucking grave digger or something ,maybe a dietitian I think , it all the same thing really.





Thats kinda what I've been thinking, since I saw "Into the Wild". Its a fucking slow ass movie , but the end , oh the end. You just need to watch it for the end. We all know he dies in the end but , wow , Sean Penn knows how to kill a person. Anyways the movie was about this kid who had 24 thousand and burned it all, then got jobs shoveling stuff and such to make money for tools to make it in the Alaskan wilderness. which in it self is kinda horrible. You burn money , that could be used to help other people , to then get a job , that someone more worth could have gotten? And in the end you die cause you eat a poisonous potatoes. Honestly? Honestly? You died from something that shitty. Also through you whole travels only one bad thing happened to you! But you die from not reading the book correctly and eating a bad potatoes! That is so annoying. This movie really glorified being homeless, because he didn't die of being homeless , he died from not reading a page correctly. He could have lived for years in that van in Alaska..but hes a dumbass. I feel like society wants me to feel bad for him. Btu I can't because he could still be around bettering his world. Before his left for the Alaskan wild he was going to go to Harvard Law. And despite all that .. He went to Alaska to be free for society and to free himself. Then he dies in Alaska because of his freedom that he wanted which forced him to have no food which then pushed him to have to eat plants.. get poisoned. The thing is , that book said if he would get it treated he would be fine. But he couldn't! He was to weak , he didn't know his way back. Its his need to be free and live away from society that killed him in the end. It wasn't the potatoes. Oh no, not the potatoes.




Anyway, back to my point about all jobs being the same. That is exactly how Alexander Supertramp saw it in the movie. It wasn't about what you do in life. It was about living your life. After all the things i have said that were bad about this movie , their is one thing that i completely believe in , and have believed for years. You have to live your life. You have to get a move on it. I am a pure example of a person who doesn't live it up.TODAY, I want to make everyday a little different. So that I can never say " I do the same thing everyday .. you know , the grind." I want to live in some way. Keep this blood flowing. To many people don't relies that they are just waiting to die. Even those who go out everyday and puke their livers up. You not living you life , your numbing your life. Just like those people who eat up numerous drugs so that don't have to feel pain. Well , feel pain. Pain at least lets you know that your not dead. Change you job , change you location , change your friends , change you book bag. I don't give a flying fuck.. change it all right now. their is no point in doing it all the same everyday. We only have so much time. 70 years , 40 years , who knows you might only have 6 days. When your dead you'll be kicking yourself all over, because you weren't the person you could have been . You were to afraid of pain , of happiness, of societies ideals , or people. You were to afraid to indulge into your self and figure out all of it. Figure out all it! Lets, stop living mundane lives. We have it in us to be everything we need to be. We just have to search for it , we just have to get there.

We both go together if one falls down

"and i miss you , going back to the west coast.. I wish you would fit yourself in my suitcase"

Oh! Swartzman how I love you. I watched your new movie. OMG! You + Owen + Brody
+ Portman + Anderson = Simply Genius! I should have been in that damn movie. It was that divine. Simply simply divine. Fierce. I want a family like that. I want to go on a train through out India.

Oh! I love the Kills. This amazing lady at Borders told me all about them. Yes, I'm hip. And i'm not lying , like i usually do, these guys are most amazing.

Oh! I need a new job. Someone rain money on me. Someone rain good fortune on me, and Mateo. We need some of that sugar right now.

Oh! I hate crocks. I am so passionate about loathing crocks. Dementia crocks i call them. Cause you must have dementia to wear them. I figure some old women ( having dementia) was playing in her garden, forgot what she was doing and though she had to go to the market or something. And she just went there in the crocks. then some old middle aged women saw her and thought it was a great idea. She the told her whole scrap booking class and Then they all made thier kids wear them.( i always see these poor toddlers who can't dress themselves in gross hot pink crocks). And then some complete dumbass decided to make those ugly pins you put in the holes. WTF. Like seriously i wish i could get a hold of all the crocks in the whole world and replace them with black Prada flats. Seriously how hard is it to dress yourself sanely in the morning? Are you seriously rushing out the house so fast you can't even wear real shoes? like common now. Please wake up 15 min earlier so that i don't have to see your nasty lime green Dementia crocks. did you know every time you wear crocks a gay man dies in LA?

OH! and check out Oh! Hush. Now thats some music.

spendifourous , simply divine.

So this last weekend was my uncle Don't wedding. It was really simple. It was really slow. I almost walked home from the interstate center. all my familla was in town. Wich was most amazing. I love my cousins to death. I really wish i lived closer to them. I wish i could be closer to them. I wish i knew them better. Maybe i can save some money and move my ass to their coast. That would be wonderful.

Had a breakdown. Everyone knew. it was wierd cause i don't remember like any of it. Maybe my brain like spasmed or something. all i know is that my doctor up that dose. Which is weird. Kinda made me placid today.

I need to get a new job. Tommoro i am going like everywhere and putting an application in. I need to make some dough. I'm so over these old people, and their bitching. They are wasting my social security on absolutely nothing. Do you really need me to sort through your ice box. i think your completely capable of knowing whats moldy or not. common now.

Drinkin some tea.
Gonna go to bed soon.
Trying to have a good day.
Omg i felt so much better after i wrote my paper.

The bullshit you call life

Ann had it right all along.

no one will understand that.
and no its no the baby part I'm referring too.

back in high school Laura Knight and Ann always did this weird thing. That i never much of at the time. But now completely understood why.

Kinda of feel like no one is helping me.
Give me something to grab on too.
something more than your raging bullshit.
words wobbly wood drifts mean absolutely nothing to me.

I want help. Of the third degree.

something to gain my composer. I'm hinting , that i getting ready for a break break down , but no one seems to want to knowledge it . So whatever. figure out some day.
or I'll die. And Hitler will tell me the truths of the universe.

I watch so many people dead.
They are dead because they doing live their life. Doing the same old same old bulshit day in and day out is not living. Standing off to the side lines is not living. Do something. You got it all. Live it , Experience everything.

Open your arms.

I want to find a bunch of people who just want to get away and start life somewhere worth it.

All we are is Dust In The Wind

"Lets roll another joint, lets head on down the road,to somewhere i gotta go , and you don't know how it feels , no you don't know how it , you don't know how it feels , to be me"

Just watch American Meth. Yowza.
Its such a rural drug. These kids all over America are willing doing this to themselves. Holy shit. This is the first time i actually think the DARE officers might have been on to something. I'm so glad that during my high school days I was never faced with that. Lucky. We are all so lucky, lucky .. count your god damn blessings seriously we are fucking lucky.

---

"Last dance with Mary Jane

One more time to kill the pain

I feel summer creepin in and im

Tired of this town again."



I think that i was a Tom Petty of sorts in my other life.
That reminds me i should call Kate. I miss her.
i need to get back into the cards.. it was so nice to see the future every now and again.
Bad week. my head has hurt a lot.
Been feeling besides myself a lot.
Been sleeping to much. fuck.

Coming down.

What in tarnation..

So today . Been a wonderful day. Meditation really does wonders for ones personality. And so does hanging out with Matt for about 8 or more hours. That has been amazing. Cooked dinner, talked about browsers and making our own website. We donno what we are going to do yet though.

What would we have on there. Prob just random clips of us doing boring things.
or exciting things.
Whatever it may be.

boy on the side is on. Love it.

Kinda. Drew Barrymore's hair is fierce as hell. Loves it much.
Had ice cream

Even i hate this blog. I have nothing to say. I'm out of words.

dreading work. donno if I'll go to class tomorrow. donno if there is a point.. don't want to go to English either. God.

I am doing my project on Rumpelstiltskin. Its hot.

He bit my lip

Ah Humanities , another fucking day.

On a good note , before we get in to this.. I have an inkling that I am doing really well in the class. Especially if I start to show up more. Most def.

Anyways...

Sat next to this old, I think , Gay man. For legal purposes lets call him Doris. Doris sat next to me in class again. Don't get me wrong this man is fucking hilarious. He's funny because of two things. First the way he waves his hand and says random adjectives. For example the professor says "What do you see" he'll be all "Color. mountains. Rocks. Damn those rock look like they b bigger than me. You do not know how big the mountains could be you know..This shit is crazy."

Professor says ( with her wavy-early-nighties-to long of hair , and gross grandma blazer(shes trying to pull of the androgynous look and failing miserably))"When they did start to sculpt men that would also exaggerate features (giggle)" Doris comments " girl you know , ah ten inches" Then snickers and his hands fall into his head ( you know the way black people do ).

He is something.

Doris was wearing a white RIBBED SWEATER, and KHAKIS . Seriously, fall into the stereo-type for once. Or at least fall into the Gap after 1998. Dress well. EWE ribbed sweaters puke, Harold.

I'm sitting in this random hallway and a man walks in , talking loudly on his phone " Do I have to claim that BONUS Ten thousand that I got"
Who is he trying to impress? Hes a fucking jail keepers. I know this because i was eves dropping and heard this.

We had a moment of silence for those effected in the NIU shooting.
That is so scary. I have no idea what I would do. Def would be txt ing my mother sooo fast.
Get me the fuck out of here women. Call god. Speed dial that shit.

Listening to AFI
you can see at my Last.fm page if you wants..http://www.last.fm/user/Fashion_pistol






* oh by the by, another dumb bitch was TXTing with her sound on! WTF. I don't get it. Personally i have come to the conclusion that using sound on your phone in any situation where there are other people is rude. And annoying. No one cares about your ring tones***

New York has the Naked cowboy

Humanaties cracks me up.

Kids today are fucking stupid as hell. This girl. This girl. Stupid cunt.

" I like really hate when she says The Madonna because it always makes me think of the REAL Madonna. She should like say the women with a baby."(the she made this weird face).

Yes, your right Madonna the pop star is the REAL Madonna. Madonna Louise Ciccone Ritchie's parents were all like "I just thought of this name out of thin air, OMG!". Then after Madonna became a famous icon, we went back in history and said "OMg! We should like totally like Omg call Jesus's mother Madonna cause she is so much like the Pop icon. It would be so fierce." Fucking stupid girl. I hate you.

I sit in this row where like all these "cool" kids sit. There sit around and make fun of this kid named Kier. As if we are in high school or some shit. Don't they know that all this information that Kier has , they should have. That they shouldn't sit around and make fun of this kid because they'll need him when they are sitting around pumping gas. Idiots. He is weird. Not shit. But, goddamn i wish i was as smart as him. So do they, at least they will a year from now. when they are sitting at Heartland still and hes off at real college.

* oh and Chris Crocker posted the best video today about being famous, supposedly he is*







At the beginning he talks about how NY has the Naked Cowboy and L.A has the pink Robe boy. So is that saying that the Naked Cowboy is famous? He just compared himself to a guy who spends his days .. in his underwear at Time Square.. I didn't know that was fierce. Wonder what Christian would say about him. Now Christian is a fierce bitch. Who will win PR.

Again, thank god Sweet Pea got kicked off.
I really do want Ramni to make it. I just want to see a collection of drapes. That would be fucking great.

Before him I didn't know people could actually be passionate about draping.

Crazy Bitch. Crazy.

Christian is soo fierce. Omg.
Ah he won the challenge. He is so Avant - Gard.
i love him. He deserves to win time ten.

So lets talk about library etiquette.

1. No cell phone noise. First who writes TXT messages with the sound on? Whats the point of that? Even if your blind.. you could still do it with vibrate. Its not like the sound helps you write? And then who talks in the library.. there is no noise for a fucking reason . Stupid brunette bitch.

2. If there are tons of cubes open do not take the one right next to someone. Thats weird thats like when there are tons of parking spaces open and you park right next to another car. Why? That just makes me uncomfortable.

3.No computer noise. Earphones. i do not want to hear the stupid little sounds your computer makes as much as you do not want to hear mine. And by the by.. changing you computer noises to be like jungle themed or desert themed is fucking stupid. Your not Elvis, you don't get to have themes like that.

4. Okay, I understand times ten that no one is really looking at you when you go. But that does not give you the RIGHT to wear plaids and stripes. No way in hell can you do that to me. How dare you! Your lucky no one cuts you.

so take that brunette girl ..I fucking hate you and you make me uncomfortable.

(I'm so glad Romni made it ! love you.. and your drapes ( just no more drapes. Show Nina Garcia that you can do more))

My dicks not hard anymore..

In humanities today.. We were looking at pictures of Madonna and child. The small and stout , tea pot , esk teacher asked if anyone noticed anything about the picture. People were saying things like.. reds, thrown, baby Jesus ( yes, obviously I'm in an advanced class). Then this one girl was like "I think this is a religious picture". I was like "No shit. Its the Virgin Mary.. holding baby Jesus." Omg, then this kid was all like "that guy is looking at the baby like it did something wrong." I was like " Its the VIRGIN MARY..holding JESUS. Yes i think , baby Jesus did something wrong in the eyes of the VIRGIN MARY.WTF". The that same guy was like "its a women?". I just kept thinking what the fuck does he think the Virgin Mary mean. Fucking dumb asses i swear. Oh, and then we looked at this picture called "the girl with the pearl earring". The same guy from above was like "shes wearing pearl earrings" all matter a factly. I was like where the fuck am i right now? Are you seriously stating that after One the teacher just told you what the painting was called and Two its fucking obvious. its a portrait, a women , yes wearing a damn pearl earring. Please now.


Oh and this is random. So i was walking into the library after class to pick this book up..


and 1. The corridor before the library that has seating and tables.. was just full of black kids. It was really weird. There were no crackers anywhere or Chinese kids. There are a lot of Chinese kids at school.. Maybe the black kids own that part of Heartland? It was also near the Child Development area.. it was sorta stereo typical. I just wanted to yell " Why the fuck do you play into everything so easily?".


Two - the women who gave me my books had to crazy eyes, and had the audacity to be rude to me. I'd had half a mind to ask her what the fuck she was looking at and how did she do that with her eyes. Bitch.


three- please tell me why all these kids have full black on. And all the boys have huge asses are wearing girl pants. Its like this weird cross dressing thing. No one sees a problem with men wearing random women clothes.. but trannies are bad? If i were to make a movie I would have it co-star the TrannyArquette .. whats that bitches name?


4- Why does the "Campus Cafe" sell pork tenderloins? Oh, and better than that , why do people by them. I looked at them and they just sit in this hot bucket of grease. Puke all over everywhere right now. kill yourself.


5. I heart The Wombats.
"I've met someone that makes me feel seasick
Oh what a skill to have
Oh what a skill to have
So many skills that make her distinctive
But they're not mine to have
No they're not mine"


Ewe .. these boys are talking about how they use to hate each other because they thought each other hated each other. wtf. stop being vaginae.